Key Desert Findings

At the end of January I spent 8 days backpacking through Big Bend National Park with fellow Outward Bound instructors from different bases. I started working for Outward Bound (OB) in the fall of 2018 on Thompson Island in the Boston Harbor. From day one, I have been challenged in growing through different aspects of what this organization values and strives to portray in their students. Every year Outward Bound has staff invitationals over the winter that anyone who works for OB can apply to go on. With this kind of a lottery system, you put in your application and hope you get a spot. I knew that I needed a challenge, I wanted to grow in some technical skills, and I was from Texas but had never been to Big Bend, so I applied. 

On Tuesday, January 28th I got on a bus to El Paso, TX full of emotions that I couldn’t quite pin. I was excited to see some coworkers I hadn’t seen in 2 months (felt like years). I was excited to get to be outdoors again after spending all winter doing the same thing back home. I was hopeful that I’d be a lot better at outdoor rock climbing than I was a couple of months prior in Acadia National Park (shoutout to my friend Adrienne who opened my eyes to outdoor climbing!). I was nervous that my injured knee and lack of physical fitness prep would hold me back and make me the weakest link. I was also insecure about the lack of technical skills I had, considering I had never done such a long trip. I’d been camping for a weekend before and spent lots of free time doing day hikes… So i could do this, right? All these thoughts flooded my mind as I was on an 8 hour bus ride. Finally, I got to the hotel and was welcomed with warm embraces from two lovely humans who I was able to share all those emotions with and so much more while on that trip. 

A LOT happened in the desert that I don’t know if I could ever put it into words. (I could try! If after reading this anyone is interested in getting more details about day to day life in the Chihuahua desert through the lense of a novice backpacker let me know in the comments and I will do a blog all about it) An essential part to any OB trip is going on “solo”. After spending so much time with our crew we took a couple of hours on the second to last day to be completely alone. We spread out among the desert just far away enough to where we couldn’t see each other but could still hear when our instructors were calling us back. During that time… God spoke. While I was sitting by myself in that desert I felt God put a couple of things on my heart. 

1. My worth and identity are NOT found in the emotions I’m feeling.

I broke down a lot in that desert, I struggled to feel worthy and valuable to my team. Physically my body ached and mentally I struggled to keep worthless thoughts from clouding my mind. God reminded me that emotions are good. They are valid. He felt them, so I could too. 

2. In the craziness that is life sometimes all we need to do is pause, look up, take a breath and be still.

The days were long. We walked a lot. Every day it was a struggle to keep moving. I realized I spent so much time looking at the ground just waiting to finally be able to stop for the day. Every now and then when I looked up, God welcomed me with a new flower, a stunning landscape, clear blue skies, the comforting “how are you?” from a friend and sometimes all of the above.

3. Even when I feel like I’m not being a good Christian God is still working.

Im human and may not always feel like I am sharing God’s patience, love, joy, or compassion because I’m too stuck in my own head. Still, God is gracious and loving enough to remind me of the truth. Multiple times on that trip God used people to encourage and remind me of the light that is in my heart. 

I realized that all of these things pointed back to one very true statement about my relationship with God. I am fully Known by my father. A small, golden key with this exact word etched into it had been on my wrist for a couple of months now. I bought this key months before to help support a racer who was so close to their fundraising goal. It was a giving key. You could get a verse that meant a lot to you or you could order a blank key and ask for someone to pray over it and pick a word they felt God chose for you. I ordered a blank key and a couple of weeks later got one with the word, “KNOWN”. For so much of my time in the desert I felt like nobody knew who I really was. I didn’t think I could let anyone fully in but it seemed like everyone else was. We spent 8 days together and people were constantly chatting about life, their favorite books, music, hobbies, significant others and so much in between. I found myself walking silently for a good chunk of the time and struggled to keep up physically as my body ached like I forgot it could. Then, during that solo in the silence that filled the desert air and the sun shining on my face, God spoke. His three points reminded me that He knows me completely. 

Psalm 139 says, “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the seas, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.” 

It doesn’t matter if I am on Thompson Island in the middle of the Boston Harbor, if I am with family in Texas, if I am volunteering in some random place I spontaneously decided to go to, or am literally in the middle of the desert, the Lord knows me. He knows me more than any other human ever could and even more than I know myself. He knows my deepest insecurities, my biggest fears, my greatest desires and all the things I haven’t realized yet… and still he loves me. He chose to give his only son on the cross so that I could have a personal relationship with him. So that his Holy Spirit could guide me and find me in vast places like that desert to speak truth over me. How cool is that?! 

This key on my wrist was a constant and gentle reminder that God knows me. So, what word or verse would you have on a key? What would that remind you of? As I am starting to fundraise for the race I decided to partner with Keys for the Journey.

Click on this link www.keysforthejourney.com to see all of the options for ordering your very own giving key. At checkout, scroll down to find my name and part of the cost will go to my fundraising goal. 🙂  There are different shapes, fonts, and chain options to personalize it. If you don’t have a specific word or key why not get a prophetic one? The team at Keys For The Journey will pray over it for you and get one word or verse for you. I pray that whatever key you get it can be a gentle yet strong reminder in your life the way it was for mine. When you feel like it’s served its purpose in your journey… you give it to someone else… isn’t that GREAT?!(I recently gave mine to someone!! Blog coming soon… ) 

Most importantly, the biggest way to support me and any racer or missionary is to Pray. Pray that we would be open to however God wants to prepare and use us for his glory. God can use us in so many ways and sometimes they aren’t easy, or comfortable, or even completely logical. Even then, we choose to listen and be obedient to His will over our lives in the hopes of glorifying his kingdom around the world. 

Thanks for reading and following along on this journey! Comment below if anything in here intrigued you or you have any blog ideas you’d like to see next. 🙂

*Photo Credit: Mike Cox