“What’s been your biggest take away from 2020?”
A couple of weeks ago The World Race proposed this question on its Instagram page and while there was an array of answers one really caught my attention.
“Celebration and grief can be held in the same hands and God is in the middle of ALL of it…”
When I left Boston in October to come home I had my own plans as to what the last couple of months here would look like before leaving for the race. I wanted to spend time with family and friends, hit fundraising extra hard, slowly start packing gear, this, that and the other… the list was pretty extensive. Some of that has happened but not without some hiccups. November was a month where death and sickness seemed to follow me for weeks. Family members tested positive for COVID, dear friends lost a loved one unexpectedly and my sister lost the love of her life at only 22 years old. The month seemed to drag on more than any other one this year and that says A LOT because 2020, am I right? Even in all of this I got unexpected care packages from some amazing humans, I laughed with my students, my team found out we would indeed be launching internationally in January and lots of others good things happened.
This whole year has felt like a whirlwind of deep grief AND joy, Sadness THEN hope, Frustration AND laughter, Happy AND Sad tears. Especially through the month of November, I kept thinking back to my younger years. The person I was in high school or college would’ve found solace in being angry with God for the way things were playing out. I’ve been at that point in my life before and maybe I’ll be there again one day but for now while I sit in this whirlwind I feel different. Right in the middle of all this, a friend asked “How are YOU doing?” I was comforted to be able to answer with the idea that while I was sad and grieving with those around me I somehow still had joy in my heart. I could still cling on to a future hope of what growth would come from this grief. I could cling on to the fact that even while I felt physically disconnected to God because I wasn’t in my bible as much lately I was somehow still getting through everyday.
When I didn’t know what to say to my sister at 11pm in a hospital chapel I prayed. When words weren’t there I let the tears flow. When worry set in after a Positive COVID result came in at 1am… I prayed. None of this was pretty. It was messy. I cried, I yelled, I stomped my feet the entire way. I pray that everyone finds an anchor to hold on to in the midst of both grief and joy. I was trying to think of a word to describe this feeling and I think it is, “Appreciation”. I am at a point in my relationship with Jesus that I have found an appreciation for all that 2020 has brought. In it I know that the grief will bring strength and the joy will bring memories I can hold close.
“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”
-Romans 12:12
I leave for Atlanta, Georgia in just 12 DAYSSS! My team and I will have about two weeks of training camp before flying to our first country which is…. COLOMBIA!! I’ve been so encouraged by the support, prayers and love I’ve received in preparation for this. I am feeling a mix of emotions and am excited to get to share with you all throughout next year! I am still fundraising and am sooo close to my goal. If you want to donate you can do so by clicking that “DONATE” button at the beginning of this post. My team and I are always happy for prayers sent our way as we start this new season.
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With Love and Hope,
Cyntya
