“ God is our refuge and our strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.”
-Psalm 46:1-3
“God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.”
-Psalm 46:5
“Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”
-Psalm 46:10
At the end of February last year I became very overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts while on a bus coming back from a church conference. As I became overwhelmed I put my headphones on to block out all the noise when a song caught my attention. The name of it was Psalm 46 so I opened my bible and read this psalm for the first time. As I read it, I felt God tell me to memorize it and I didn’t know why.That was the beginning of a very long year for me personally.
Mothers day brought my first major anxiety attack of the year. I roamed the city that day hyperventilating, overwhelmed, and lost. The next couple of months came with numerous anxiety attacks a week, depressive episodes, Isolation, loneliness, unworthiness and this went on for almost 3 months before I mustered up the courage to tell anyone. Every time I thought I was finding a way to get out of it something else would come up. FOUR friends who knew me deeply were all moving away, a mentor from work was leaving, a church member passed, things at home were continuing to go up and down, I felt like I didn’t have a place in my work or church community. If I had good days they were GREAT and if I had bad days they were TERRIBLE and I couldn’t pull myself out of them. Truth and lies filled my mind simultaneously with the lies only getting louder. By the grace of God, his Holy Spirit started to nudge me to share this battle with others.
The Lord knows my passion for nature and he knows how much I feel his presence in it. So how fitting that the beginning of this Psalm talks about the earth, its mountains and its waters. He created all of it and even if it crumbles he has the authority and power to keep me safe, to be my refuge. I do not have to fear when it feels like everything is falling apart because he is my strength. He also knew the battle I would face internally through the year. “God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns”. I give all of the credit to his spirit that lives in me, for every new morning I woke up with any ounce of strength to try again.
Meditating and declaring Psalm 46 out loud kept me afloat last year. It brought me hope and encouraged me that no matter what happened around me, God was my strength and my refuge. I had no idea that this Psalm would continue to guide me in 2020. COVID-19 has continued to affirm that even when the WORLD is falling apart, I can find my strength in God. Verse 10 says, “ Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth”. So, that’s what I’ve been doing. I had so many plans for this year and was already overwhelmed just thinking about how busy I was going to be, yet here we are. I have come to have more time on my hands than ever before in my life. Anytime I try to plan or jump ahead to what the remainder of this year may look like I am only met with uncertainty that leads to feeling overwhelmed. So when that happens I turn to God. He has continuously convicted and reminded me to “Be still”. I believe God is at work during this pandemic in me and the world.
I share all of this because when I look back at 2019 I now know EXACTLY why God put this Psalm on my heart. During that season it truly felt like my world was crashing down in every way possible. When I think about next year I have no idea what my time on the race will bring.What I can say is i find comfort in knowing that God will continue to speak in many ways. I know that Psalm 46 will forever ground me in his presence no matter the situation. Through mental health battles, a pandemic, whatever this world brings, God’s word continues to build me up on His unshakable foundation.
As always, Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment, subscribe and share with others!
-Cyntya
