*** It’s been a while since I posted a blog BUT don’t worry I’ve got a couple started and am excited to keep sharing what God is doing around the world and in me!
(It just may not always be in real time)
While in Colombia we have been doing structured ministry throughout the week and when Monday/Tuesday roll around our time changes a bit. Monday’s are Team Ministry day’s and Tuesdays are our Sabbath (Rest) days. A couple of weeks ago my team and I went out on our team ministry day and had some sweet encounters. Throughout the day I felt the Lord giving me new vision to see how my teammates were stepping out into their gifts to minister to people. Wether it was helping translate, praying over someone, sharing a love of music with a stranger or initiating conversation with a young person, I felt the Lord tug at my heart. God gave me a small glimpse into how he delights in each one of my teammates.
The next morning while some paired up to spend their days finding rest in coffee shops, nature, or at home face masks, I felt the Lord call me to sit on the floor of my room and spend time in prayer. As I was sitting with him he reminded me of the previous day which lead me to ask him, “Papa, when do you Delight in me?”. This was not an easy question for me to ask because “Delighting in the Lord” is something I’ve been trying to grow in for almost 2 years. To my surprise the Lord immediately starting throwing out times when HE Delights in ME. He said the simplest things like:
- when you laugh uncontrollably
- When you smile
- When you take naps with me
- When you wake up
- When you go on hikes or play like a child with NO insecurities or apprehension
- When you invite me into your life
As he continued saying things he reminded me of how when a pebble is in a stream it blocks a little part of the current. Then the pebble got bigger and turned into a rock, then a log and finally a Dam. I’d been feeling a block in my relationship with him and this picture just confirmed that for me. I was frustrated with the vision because I already knew that so instead of pressing in more I shut it out and went on with my day.
Later in the afternoon I started to tell my teammate Shelby about my quiet time. I told her about how he met me so sweetly by telling me how he delights in me. I also confided in her that even though I had this encounter I still felt lonely and unwanted. I didn’t make plans with others for Sabbath because I’d already felt the Lord calling me to sit with him so I did. I enjoyed it. I was encouraged but why wasn’t it enough?
It is sometimes hard for me to receive encouragement and love from others and I can become cynical by pushing them away. In the same way, I think that cynicism seeps into other parts of my spiritual relationship with God, maybe that’s the block?
Shelby asked if I wanted to pray against the cynicism and surrender it to the Lord.. my reply through tears was a desperate, “Yes.”
As Shelby started to pray, the Lord began to give her a vision:
“I can see a stream with a dam”… she said.
I LOST IT. Hysterically crying and hands shaking I started to explain to Shelby the SAME vision the Lord had just given me three hours before. This time though, Shelby saw the other half of the vision. She said she saw the Lords hands come in and pick up the dam so gently to remove the block. How stinking cool that the Lord would convict me to share with a teammate how I was feeling (even though i didn’t want to) and in that obedience he met me with a continued vision through Shelby?!?
Since this day I’ve processed a bit more and realized that I get stuck in what I can or can’t do without asking God first what he can or wants to do. When I got that vision I. could’ve asked God, “Can you move this block?” or “Help me move this block Papa.” Instead I shut it out because I couldn’t figure it out through my own will. I know that I want to live a life surrendered fully to him in everything which means asking him for help and not shutting down. Talk about growing pains…
My prayer is that this experience I had with God will encourage you to think about where maybe you were looking for answers or trying to fix something on your own will without inviting God into it. May we learn to let him into our lives more in the hopes of walking closer to him everyday.
-with love and hope
Cyntya
